For this week’s edition of How I Do It, our series in which a new person describes how they have sex (or don’t) each day for a week, we have Beth*, a 26-year-old copywriter living in London.
Beth is in a new relationship and, after some bad experiences and having previously ‘used sex as a way to find validation and self-worth’, is ‘learning to reclaim [her] pleasure and trust in a partner’.
She’s looking forward to all that she’s got left to discover sexually with her new boyfriend.
Beth lives apart from him, but they’ve been able to bubble up during lockdown since he lives alone.
Even so, since she currently spends just every other weekend with him, she needs to, well, entertain herself most days. Here’s how they’re getting on…
Monday:
This week, I’m not seeing my boyfriend until Friday.
We text throughout the day, but talk doesn’t turn to sex. I’ve attempted a risky text a couple of times before, but he hasn’t really responded to it. I make a note to bring it up at some point.
Our relationship is still so new, so we have lots to discover about each other in and out of the bedroom, which I find really exciting.
During the day, I read an article about women watching more porn in lockdown. I can relate, and I feel comforted that it’s not just me. I feel kind of horny after lunch, which is pretty common for me, but I’m too busy to do anything about it today.
Tuesday:
Counting down the days until Friday. Thankfully I’ve been really busy with work and creative projects since my boyfriend and I last saw each other, but being apart still feels like drug withdrawal (this is normal, I googled it).
I feel hot and bothered after lunch again (is that normal? I must do more Googling), so I retreat to my bedroom for a quick wank. Using my vibrator, it only takes me about five minutes to orgasm.
I definitely feel weird and a bit guilty about masturbating during the workday, but I know from experience that it’s the afternoon or nothing for me. When I’m at home, I don’t usually feel like getting off at any other time of the day, so I’m rolling with it.
Wednesday:
I don’t know if it’s the lack of sleep, but I’m feeling extra sentimental today. I’m so excited to see my boyfriend and feeling very lucky to have him in my life.
After lunch — surprise, surprise — I feel horny again and break out my vibe. It’s like muscle memory at this point.
I feel like it’s weird for me, a woman, to have a high sex drive, but we’re all different, aren’t we? Plus women just don’t talk about how often they masturbate, do they?
I hope that my writing this can help a few people feel better about their own sexuality. None of us should have to feel guilty about our basic needs and bodily functions, as long as they’re not interfering with our lives.
Thursday:
I’ve gained some weight in lockdown, and it’s bringing up old insecurities.
It’s making me feel nervous about being seen naked, but I know that I’ll feel fine when I see my boyfriend.
He makes me feel beautiful, which isn’t everything, but is something.
Friday:
I finally get to see my boyfriend tonight. We have some wine and a takeaway, then things heat up pretty quickly.
The sex just keeps getting better as we learn what the other likes and as we grow to mean more and more to each other. We haven’t seen each other for almost two weeks, so neither of us is in the mood to go slow tonight.
After that, we cuddle up to watch a film in his bed, and the credits are barely rolling before we’re climbing on top of each other again. This time he spends a lot of time getting me off, which feels amazing, but I’m in my head and can’t finish.
This has been a theme with my boyfriend and with past partners as well, so I’m just trying to enjoy myself and not worry too much about getting there — it’ll happen when it happens, and in the meantime I’m having a great bloody time.
Saturday:
We have sex again soon after waking up. I don’t know if it’s just the honeymoon phase, but we cannot get enough of each other and I am loving every minute.
We have a lovely day together, watching telly, going for a walk, cooking and drinking. At night, we have slightly drunken sex.
He goes down on me, and we try a few different positions. I’ve also told him that I like things a bit rough, so he’s started choking me and pulling my hair, which I find so hot.
I still can’t orgasm, so I’m thinking of introducing the idea of toys and seeing if that helps. I find the idea a bit awkward, but it can’t hurt to try.
Sunday:
I’ve been awake for a while, just enjoying cuddling but also feeling pretty horny. When my boyfriend finally wakes up, we go for another round, like clockwork.
Later on, I realise it kind of hurts to sit. I know it’s childish, but I can’t help feeling very smug about it.
*Names have been changed.
How I Do It
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