DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad abandoned me when he divorced my mum 25 years ago when I was seven.
A couple of years ago he got in touch asking to meet. I refused and even though he tried a few more times I didn’t respond.
I’m a 32-year-old woman.
At first when I told my mum he’d been in touch she said it was up to me if I wanted to see him but then she changed her mind.
It seemed as though she’d rather I didn’t. She quizzed me about whether he had tried to contact me again.
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I know you shouldn’t hold grudges, but it feels as if she can’t let go of what happened even though she’s happily married to my stepdad.
I just feel torn, but I am a grown woman and I feel like life is too short.
My brother’s 34 and he doesn’t want to know, but I remember that my dad and I were very close at one point, and I think I would like to give him a chance and get to know him again.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your mum has her own reasons for not wanting you to make contact, but you have a dad-shaped hole in your life and while his contact has unsettled you, it’s only natural that you’re curious about him.
If you want to meet him, it must be your decision.
Tell your family that you don’t want to fall out, but you do want to be free to make your own choices.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk to them.
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