DEAR DEIDRE: I’M enjoying a steamy fling with great sex and don’t feel guilty one bit.
It’s so much fun but doesn’t mean anything and will end sooner rather than later
My long-term partner treats me like a queen and we are happy together but if I want sex, I have to ask for it.
He never makes me feel wanted, otherwise I would say that every-thing is perfect.
The man I’m having the fling with is a decent guy, and caring, but I don’t see us being together in the long term.
I can’t have him falling for me. I told him from the start I wasn’t up for anything serious, but I can tell he wants more now.
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He doesn’t know I’m already in a relationship.
I can’t imagine my life without my partner, as I feel safe and financially secure, but I’m numb emotionally.
This isn’t the first time I’ve strayed. I’ve been with my partner for 16 years and am up to my seventh fling.
I’m 45 and my partner is 48. We don’t have children together, but each have a child from a previous relationship.
I don’t think I know what love is and have certainly never felt it.
My partner is wonderful and I do think a lot of him so why do I constantly cheat?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Fooling around with other guys may be an ego boost, but chances are your parents didn’t have a loving, stable relationship with each other, or you.
It has left you with low self-esteem and you endlessly yearn to feel wanted, needed and desired – so it’s hard for your boyfriend to satisfy that chronic need.
You need ongoing therapeutic help to understand what is driving you, and that has to be backed up by the willpower to make changes.
You aren’t being fair to your long-term partner or the person you are having a fling with – neither of whom know about the other.
While you may have managed seven affairs without being discovered, sooner or later the truth will come out.
Could you be hanging on to the security your partner offers when the reality is your relationship has run its course?
Either way, this is a self-destructive pattern that you need to break, for your own good as much as anyone else’s.
My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? will help you.
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