DEAR DEIDRE: I KNOW my lover, who is also my boss, will not leave his wife for me but we cannot stay apart.
I’m a 31-year-old single woman. I work for a security firm and clicked with my boss from day one.
He interviewed me for the job. He’s 42 and married with a toddler and another child on the way.
We got on so well that soon we were sharing personal details with each other over lunch.
I even told him I was despairing of ever finding a man like him.
My boss then invited me out for a drink after work. He said he wanted to see me look happy.
Then he kissed me and rested his hand on my leg and from that moment everything changed.
From then on we became very close and began an affair. It made me feel wanted and sexy and I fell for him.
I hoped we could have a future together, but deep down I know it isn’t going to happen.
He has a picture of his wife and child on his desk yet regularly books hotels for the two of us.
Our affair has lasted almost two years. I know it is wrong and I feel terrible for his wife.
I told my boss that I need to end our affair but we cannot stay apart and I am struggling.
I know after all this time he will not leave his wife and deep down I think he will end it with me.
I couldn’t bear working with him after that. I am looking for a new job but dread being apart from him.
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It is a desperate situation for me. He has two lives going and I am just left waiting.
I feel so unhappy.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You said it – he has two lives while you are kept hanging.
He is destroying your self-respect and preventing you from finding someone who will love and value you for yourself.
You always knew he was married and it’s nearly always a mistake to start having sex with someone committed elsewhere.
You’re at different life stages and secret sex is very different from an open and committed relationship, day-to-day life together and the responsibilities that come with it.
It’s going to be hard to disguise your feelings but be honest with him and say that your relationship is going to be strictly professional from now on.
Stay calm and polite and he should respect that without it affecting your job – unless you want to make the case that he has been abusing his role.
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