DEAR DEIDRE: I GIVE my husband oral sex while he’s driving in an effort to keep our love life spicy.
But if I’m honest, I’m constantly trying to out-do his ex when it comes to sex.
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We have been married for six years so I should feel more secure, but soon after we wed he told me about the racy sex life he’d had with his ex.
She is really attractive and I think he told me so I would be more adventurous.
I’m 30, he is 31 and we have a son who is five years old.
Initially, I put a lot of effort into spicing things up between us, but I’ve started to notice it is very one-sided.
We have sex at least three or four times a week and I’m normally the one who initiates it. I’m the one who gives him oral and I’m the one who dresses up for him.
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I don’t think he has ever given me oral sex and yet, I regularly go down on him when he is driving. I don’t particularly enjoy it but he mentioned his ex did it for him and he found it a huge turn-on. At home, he goes into the bathroom and then I get dressed up for him. Sometimes I put on racy underwear, sometimes a sexy costume.
I have plenty tucked in the back of the wardrobe — a French maid’s outfit, an air hostess and a nurse to name but a few. It doesn’t really do a lot for me and sometimes I even feel a bit silly. He has said I don’t always have to dress up and that he finds me sexy as I am, but I don’t want to disappoint him.
I also have a real fear that he will think I’m boring and want to go back to her.
I have really started to notice that he never asks me what I want or like. I’m getting a bit fed up of always feeling like I have to cater for him.
You shouldn’t be giving your husband oral sex while he is driving as it is very dangerous. But you are being very hard on yourself. Your husband has told you that you are sexy without dressing up. The pressure you feel comes from your own insecurity.
DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps something happened to you before you met your husband that made you think you didn’t make the grade sexually.
Or have you grown up being told it is your responsibility to make sure you please your husband?
It may well be that your husband is exhausted trying to keep up with you. He may feel under pressure to perform. Talk openly together. It would be good for you to start exploring what you would like to experience sexually.
I’m sending you my support pack Raising Self-esteem which will help you understand why you lack confidence in yourself.
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