CHLOE MADELEY is always happy to chat sex – and the conversation usually starts with her husband, ex-rugby star James Haskell.
Answering readers’ questions this week, sexpert Chloe reveals the one bedroom question she and James just can’t agree on . . .
Do you have a problem for Chloe? Send them to her here
Q. I HAD sex with a guy in a budget hotel. It was good and I like him a lot. But ever since, I’ve not been able to stop peeing.
I’m worried I could be pregnant, or maybe there’s something else going on.
I don’t feel able to talk to anyone because I don’t want to be judged.
What do I do?
A. If I were you, I’d see your GP or get down to a family planning clinic ASAP for a pregnancy test and an STI test.
If you have any doubts about whether they are open at the moment, give your doctor a ring. They will be able to advise. Don’t panic, though.
Whatever the outcome, they will absolutely help you handle it. That’s what they’re there for. There won’t be any judgment, either. Their job is to look after you.
This is a learning curve for you, though. Next time, insist on a condom and don’t risk your sexual health or your future for anybody. Don’t feel any shame or guilt, this is something countless women have had to learn for themselves.
Q. I’M 47 and have no interest in sex at all but my husband is daft about it. He would happily do it a few times a day if I let him. But it’s barely on my radar any more.
When we get down to it, I really enjoy it. So how can I get back into having sex again?
I know it’s an important part of a relationship and I really want to sort this.
Please help me.
A. Firstly, this is really normal. We all (men and women) go through phases where we are very sexually active and/or inactive. It’s all part of life and sometimes sex isn’t a priority.
The main thing is that you still enjoy it though – which you say you do. So why not sit back and let your husband initiate, while you reap the rewards?
Explain to him that you’re just not in a very sexual headspace right now so while you won’t turn him down, you probably won’t be coming on to him for the time being.
My husband and I go back and forth, round and round when it comes to who has the leading sex drive in our relationship. Not that I mind. In all honesty, that keeps it quite fun.
Q. I HAVE been in an on-and-off relationship, if you can call it that, for the past 12 years.
For the last five years he’s come nowhere near me, even if we share a bed.
He’s put on six stone in the last few years and I’ve tried to let him know nicely that he’s let himself go. But he doesn’t want to hear about it.
So far, I’ve stayed faithful. But do I give up on having sex and affection in my life? I’m 56 and not ready to limit myself to reading Mills & Boon.
A. It sounds to me like he is either suffering with self-esteem issues since gaining a lot of weight or possibly depression.
I don’t think it’s about you, but I understand that you feel frustrated and tempted to stray. Maybe talk to him about his mental health, his physical health and whether he feels he might need support from a professional.
Perhaps you could embark on a new regime of healthy eating or exercise together. That would show him you care while helping him tackle things too.
If he won’t have the conversation with you, and you feel you are missing out on your core needs in a relationship, consider leaving.
Love him, support him, help him, but when all is said and done, you must take care of yourself.
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