DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I suspected my wife was having an affair, I never dreamt her lover would be my best friend.
I’m devastated and can’t understand why the two people closest to me would betray me like this.
I’m 59 and my wife is 56. We’ve been married for 30 years and have three grown-up children together.
My former best mate is 58, we grew up together and our families are close.
Recently I’d been having suspicions something was amiss with my wife — she had become disinterested in any kind of intimacy.
Stupidly I chose to ignore it because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
However, my world came crashing down when I bumped into my best friend’s wife in the supermarket a few weeks ago.
Assuming that I knew, she asked me how I was dealing with the news of their affair. I was shaken to my core, and in disbelief. I drove straight home to confront my wife.
She instantly broke down in tears and came clean about everything. It turned out they had been sleeping together for months, but she assured me that it was over now.
While it broke my heart, I chose to stay and work on our marriage because I love her, but unfortunately, things have grown stale.
She still has no interest in sex and even when I try to kiss or cuddle her she does her best to dodge it.
I’m worried our marriage is failing, and while I’m still so hurt I can’t stand the thought of losing her.
What if we can’t move on from this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
My married lover wants to be with me but his wife is blackmailing him
Anna is feeling lonely because her boyfriend is obsessed with gaming
DEIDRE SAYS: The double betrayal is crushing. Having feelings of sadness and anger is normal, but it’s crucial that you are honest with your wife.
If you want to repair your relationship you need to communicate how you feel and tell her the way her actions are impacting you.
My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help.
Your wife is likely to be feeling guilty which may be affecting her ability to connect with you.
Build up intimacy slowly. Holding hands, hugging and light kissing more regularly will help break down the invisible barriers between you.
If you’re still struggling with intimacy you may find it useful to talk to a counsellor.
Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960), who can help.
If you are both prepared to put in the effort you will be able to connect again.
Most read in Dear Deidre
Anna is feeling lonely because her boyfriend is obsessed with gaming
My married lover wants to be with me but his wife is blackmailing him
My new partner is more experienced – I hope she doesn't think I'm boring in bed
The school are punishing me for my daughter's anxiety
Source: Read Full Article