Could any prime minister have ever taken such a lonely, reflective ride to the governor-general’s manor at Yarralumla to request, reluctantly, the right to hold a federal election?
Scott Morrison isn’t the sort of fellow to immerse himself comfortably in lonely reflection, of course.
A lonely, reflective ride to see the governor-general at Government House in Yarralumla.Credit:James Brickwood
A reflective high-vis jacket, a welder’s mask beckoning and a clamour of factory managers hanging out for a handout … now you’re talking. Or a day at the rugby league, merrily twirling a scarf and spilling a beer before hurrying home to rustle up a curry for the cameras.
Such carefree pursuits … before things went so downhill he couldn’t visit a pub without being assailed by an enraged pensioner whose slurs were almost as hurtful as the character assessments flung about lately by his own parliamentary colleagues.
Great Scott, he could only shudder at the horror just days ago of happily greeting a young woman seeking a selfie, only for her to whisper sweetly that he was the worst prime minister in history. On her phone camera. The cursed video went viral.
Ah, but he could always comfort himself by twirling the gold wedding band on his finger. It was a spot of naughty brilliance from the marketing team, he might have mused, to have the camera linger on the wedding ring in his first campaign video sweeping Facebook.
Anthony Albanese, the man who wants to strip the prime ministership from Morrison, currently doesn’t wear a wedding band, the video team may as well have said, but didn’t, quite.
Still, while the prime minister was travelling to Government House, accompanied by his chief-of-staff John Kunkel, Albanese was happily wandering the grounds of Sydney’s Royal Easter Show with his partner of more than two years, Jodie Haydon. Trailed by camera crews, they happily handled freshly hatched chicks, played with puppies and chatted with all in their path.
“It was really enjoyable and it was fantastic to talk with people and I have to say just like the reception I have had all around the country, it was very positive,” Albanese merrily reported.
No problems with furious pensioners or selfie-wielding saboteurs for him, he might have said, but didn’t, quite.
“The only danger was either Jodie or myself running off with one of those beautiful pups.”
The Morrison campaign video with the wedding ring, a curious piece of art, starts out as ominous as a le Carre novel, the Prime Minister labouring late into a shadowed parliamentary night, working its way up to a patriotic “how good’s that?” with a stop-off for a warning that “we’re living in a world that has never been so unstable since the Second World War”.
The director must have been too youthful to recall the Cuban Missile Crisis and associated Cold War unpleasantness, but, really, how good are the movies? Even the fires and floods got a brief mention; a couple of tricky jobs ticked off the list.
The point, of course, was that Morrison wanted to paint an Albanese government as a risk in this unstable world, something he hammered at a brisk press conference after the governor-general had granted his right to an election. The journalists, of course, had heard it all before – every querulous prime minister since Adam has used the same warning at the start of every election campaign.
Albanese, when he and Haydon eventually stopped playing with cute puppies, presented himself to the media and offered a longish refutation of that argument, with a snappy line or two.
“The problem for this government is that they stopped governing some time ago,” he said. “I think that Australians want a government that does its job, it doesn’t always blame someone else, it accepts responsibility.”
Earlier, as the prime minister’s BMW limousine hummed down the long drive towards Government House, the leaves of the avenue of elms were beginning their magical autumnal transformation, hints of gold replacing green.
Would all the lovely colour be stripped by the election, six weeks hence, the leaves dying and blowing away?
The Prime Minister would surely consign such a wintry thought to that distant place he reserves for morale-sapping matters. Like Concetta Fierravanti-Wells and the other women, mobile phones, errant cabinet ministers, troublesome NSW members of the Liberal Party, those independents claiming they are the “Voices of”. The popularity of Treasurer Josh Frydenberg.
And those frightful messages from the enemy within. Bullying, lying, no moral compass. The horror.
It being Sunday, surely the Prime Minister’s staff might have thought to slip into the limo’s seat pocket a copy of Gideons Bible, friend to lonely travellers. They could have bookmarked the great reassurance from the Gospel of Matthew: “So the last shall be first, and the first, last.”
It is, as the long-vanquished Michael Towke was unkind enough to remind Australia, the story of Morrison’s political career.
Miracles. From the very start.
Jacqueline Maley cuts through the noise of the federal election campaign with news, views and expert analysis. Sign up to our Australia Votes 2022 newsletter here.
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