There’s three things you should know about me. Firstly, I love Primark. Pretty underwear sets for £5. A homeware range to rival H&M. And there’s nothing quite like proudly proclaiming, “It’s Primark” when someone admires something you are wearing.
Secondly, I love Greggs. Sausage rolls. Jam doughnuts. Steak bakes. I need to say no more.
Finally, I won't have a bad word said against my city – Birmingham.
So just take a second to imagine my delight when I got an email inviting me to have a first look at Tasty by Greggs. The world's largest Greggs in the world's largest Primark. I was even more ecstatic than when I got invited to Pizza Express to review their five course dinner.
Having watched my London-based colleagues attend press event after press event, my time and Birmingham's time had arrived.
It would have been selfish not to share the joy, so I brought my sister Abbi along for the ride. She was also necessary as I really didn't want to ask a stranger to get a photo of me in the rumoured doughnut swing.
Firstly, we were greeted by the new signage, and followed the pink sugared doghnuts on the floor to reach our destination on Primark's floor. This was our personal yellow brick road. Except we'd get something much better than hearts/courage/brains… pastries.
Instantly we were greeted by flying sausage rolls with angel wings. This really is heaven on earth.
We meandered through the picnic area, and over to the pink pods where we got told the words every Greggs fan waits their whole life to hear, "Have whatever you like. It's all free today."
It may have still been breakfast time, but sausage rolls, bean, sausage and cheese melts, wedges and doughnuts of multiple varieties were washed down with hot chocolates from the self-serve van.
My sister is a solicitor. She's always had the more impressive job, but as she bit into a sausage roll I could see in her eyes that her respect for my occupation doubled. I may not be able to win a court case, but once every eight years I do get access to free pastries.
The moment had come to secure the picture everyone wants – the doughnut swing (which doesn't swing for health and safety reasons).
There was a queue, but the best things in life are worth waiting for. When it was my time I clambered on board as the people still waiting their turn watched me. This is Birmingham's equivalent of Bali's “Gates of Heaven”, and I'm not mad about it.
Posing under that kind of pressure isn't easy, but I managed it. Somebody bring back Coleen's Real Women so I can get myself a modelling contract.
Now, for some real talk I wouldn't come to Birmingham purely for Greggs X Primark, but if you're in the area it would honestly be a greater crime than buying single doghnuts instead of the multipack, if you didn't pop by. You'll probably see me so come say hi.
By the way, Greggs are also releasing a clothing collection with Primark.
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