DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT to be able to choose the man who I will spend my life with, but my father is trying to marry me off.
I’m 34. My dad’s Indian and I have an English mother.
When I was 18 I had my first boyfriend and my dad stopped talking to me because of it.
He told me not to look at him if I saw him in the street. After that, I always felt scared to get a boyfriend.
Even now, years later, I’m single.
I know it is all my fault for allowing my dad to dictate to me.
If anyone asks him whether I have a boyfriend, my father will say: “No, and she’s not allowed one.”
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He says it in a jokey way but it’s not very funny.
I went to India with my dad recently and it was clear I was there to meet men.
It was so embarrassing.
There was one man much younger than me. He was lovely but the age gap worried me.
When I returned to the UK I knew I couldn’t marry him and I’ve hardly spoken to my dad since.
I know I need to live my life.
I want a boyfriend and to not worry about my dad not talking to me. I’m finding it so hard.
DEIDRE SAYS: In some cultures there is the expectation that it is the family which arranges the marriage.
This can put enormous pressure on the children to conform to their views.
You are old enough to form a romance with anyone you choose, so you need to be mature, calm and assertive with your dad.
Don’t give in to his emotional blackmail.
Tell him you don’t want to fall out with him but you do want to be free to follow your heart.
My support pack Standing Up For Yourself will help you do this.
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