DEAR DEIDRE: I AM considering having a sexual liaison with either a colleague of mine or my wife’s friend.

My wife is wonderful and I love her unconditionally but she has no interest in sex.

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We have been together for 25 years and while we only rarely had sex in the early stages of our relationship, it’s now non-existent.

We haven’t been intimate for 12 years.

I don’t want to go behind her back as she really is my best friend but I can’t face going the rest of my life without any passion.

Apart from living like brother and sister, we have a brilliant relationship together.

I am 48, she is 46 and we have a lovely family with two sons in their teens.

Originally I thought she must be having an affair but she insisted she would never cheat on me and said she simply is not interested in sex.

We have talked and talked about it but the bottom line is she just doesn’t like it.

Over the years I have pushed and pushed her for sex but it never happens. So I have given up where she is concerned.

I don’t want to be celibate and I am seriously thinking about asking for her blessing to have a sexual relationship with someone else.

I don’t want someone else to love, I simply want a woman to have sex with.

The colleague I’m considering approaching is 41 and we get on really well. We often share lifts. She knows my partner too.

The other woman is one of my wife’s single friends. She lives about 20 miles away from us.

I want to be open about this. If my partner agrees, could this work in our relationship?

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DEIDRE SAYS: It might seem like the perfect solution but sex with other people is not the answer – and your partner is unlikely to give you her blessing. Have you told her how rejected you feel?

Say you love her and want to better understand what has gone wrong for her.

Ask her why she is so uninterested in sex, which for you is a fundamental part of a happy relationship.

Did she simply not enjoy sex? In which case, you both need to learn more about female sexual responses.

Could she be feeling depressed, or is she fed up with some other aspect of your relationship that needs sorting?

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Counselling would help overcome this and my support pack How Counselling Works will help you find a therapist together.

I am also sending you my pack Is She Not Keen On Sex?, which explains more.

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