DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband’s relationship with a client is damaging our marriage and I’m worried it will have an impact on our business reputation too.
I am 43 and my husband is 45. We have been together for 20 years and run a successful flower shop.
I knew something was going wrong because he kept going missing and had become withdrawn from me.
But life is so busy with work and our children — our son is 16 and our daughter is 14 — that I never seemed to get around to addressing my concerns with him.
Then two weeks ago, one of our clients who owns a hotel came in asking to see my husband.
She couldn’t see me working in a back room, and when one of our florists told her my husband wasn’t there but I was, she couldn’t scarper quickly enough.
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It was so odd and got me thinking about all the times I picked up our work phone only for the caller to hang up.
I decided to go through my husband’s phone. And there it was: long conversations between them detailing sexual thoughts and fantasies.
It explained everything. Like the way he only kissed me now and was completely disinterested in sex.
He insists it was “only flirting” but I’m heartbroken. I have always kept myself in shape so I can’t understand why another woman has his attention.
I love my husband so much, but I don’t want to be in a sexless marriage. I am at a loss.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a devastating discovery. Your trust has been shattered but it is possible to rebuild it if you are both willing to try.
Sexy chats divert sexual energy and attention outside of your relationship and your husband is very much in the wrong. How would he feel if you did the same?
Tell him you feel undermined and that you want to tackle the issues that led to the lack of sex. Let him know how worried and hurt you are and impress the need to sort this out together.
Agree clear boundaries and perhaps start by saying your husband must stop all dealings with this client.
If he can’t agree to those terms, I’m afraid you won’t be able to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both.
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