DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND my soulmate but our sex life is boring. I’m 33 and my partner is 40.
Our mutual friends set us up on a date five years ago and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
We get on like a house on fire. He’s extremely funny and he lights up the room with his comedic nature.
But the one thing that sets us apart is our sex drives.
He’s quite content with getting physically intimate once a week, whereas I would do it every day if I could.
I like the thought of being taken, in unpredictable ways.
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It makes me feel irresistible. But my partner is very comfortable with leaving it all to me.
I’m fed up with always being the one to seduce him.
He never turns me down, but he never makes the effort to sweep me off my feet either and I have to admit he’s quite a selfish lover.
He just lays back and lets me do all the work while I long for him to make me the centre of his attention by pleasuring me the way I would like.
I know what he likes, but he doesn’t have the foggiest idea what to do for me.
I have got to a point where I’m starting to feel bitter about our sex life.
I don’t want to break up but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life settling for a one-sided sex life either.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Ignoring the problem won’t sort anything.
This is a subject that is hard to discuss, but much more challenging to live with.
Find a moment to speak to your partner honestly about how you are feeling and communicate your needs firmly.
Make sure you choose a time that is away from the bedroom to help ensure a constructive conversation.
If he is comfortable then challenge him to a series of unpredictable sexual encounters.
This could be something fun for you both as a way to spice up your sex life.
Spell out that you would find it arousing if he would take the lead more.
My support pack Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive will help to get things back on track together with sex therapy, if that’s something he’s open to.
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