‘I felt like something was wrong with me’: Transgender Juno star Elliot Page opens up about ‘erosive and damaging discomfort’ he felt while going through puberty – and horrific bullying that made him ‘sick with shame’
- The actor, 36, came out as a transgender man in December 2020
- He has now spoken out about the ‘disconnect’ he felt before transitioning
- Elliot said he experienced so much ‘shame’ as a teen it ‘literally made him sick’
Juno star Elliot Page has opened up about the horrific battle with gender dysphoria that he faced during puberty, revealing he experienced ‘erosive and damaging discomfort’ – but had no idea what was happening because he’d never heard the word transgender.
Elliot, 36, who came out as a transgender man in December 2020 – 13 years after he was shot to global stardom thanks to his role in the hit movie Juno – has now spoken out about the deep ‘disconnect’ that he felt from himself before transitioning.
While speaking to ABC recently, the actor explained that when his ‘body started changing’ during his teenage years, he experienced immense ‘shame’ which ‘literally made him sick.’
‘When my body started to change and clothes sat on me differently, all of that was the beginning of sort of disconnecting from myself and feeling a degree of discomfort that was very erosive and damaging,’ he said in a teaser for the sit-down, which was shared on Good Morning America this morning.
Juno star Elliot Page has opened up about the horrific battle with gender dysphoria that he faced during puberty in a new interview with ABC
The actor, 36, revealed that he experienced ‘erosive and damaging discomfort’ – but had no idea what was happening because he’d never heard the word transgender
Elliot came out as a transgender man in December 2020 – 13 years after he was shot to global stardom thanks to his role in the hit movie Juno (seen)
‘I don’t think I even, at that point, had heard the word transgender. If it did come up, it would be briefly in health class with, you know, the sound of laughter.’
He recalled struggling with severe ‘self disgust’ and telling himself that there was something ‘wrong with him,’ as the ‘incongruence’ continued to ‘chip away at him.’
‘The experiences I had in regards to bullying, it only encourages the shame that literally makes you sick,’ he continued.
‘The hiding, the self disgust, the “I’m wrong, there’s something wrong with me” narrative…
‘With gender dysphoria, it’s being assigned a gender at birth based on your genitalia and that not being the reality of who you are, then the sort of incongruence and disconnect with that just continues to chip away at you and chip away at you.’
In his new memoir Pageboy, which dropped today, Elliot recalled winning a ‘year-long battle’ with his parents to be allowed to cut his hair short at age 10.
Soon after, he said strangers started addressing him ‘as a boy,’ but while speaking to ABC, he recalled his mom feeling ’embarrassed’ over it.
‘I was lucky to have a mom that even let me get to that place at 10, to look like how I did. But I could sense her discomfort, I could sense her embarrassment,’ he said.
Elliot explained that when his ‘body started changing’ during his teenage years, he experienced immense ‘shame’ which ‘literally made him sick’
He recalled struggling with severe ‘self disgust’ and telling himself that there was something ‘wrong with him,’ as the ‘incongruence’ continued to ‘chip away at him’
In his new memoir Pageboy, which dropped today, Elliot recalled winning a ‘year-long battle’ with his parents to be allowed to cut his hair short at age 10. He’s seen as a child
Soon after, he said strangers started addressing him ‘as a boy,’ but while speaking to ABC, he recalled his mom feeling ’embarrassed’ over it. He’s seen during his childhood
The 36-year-old explained that becoming an actor and being propelled into the spotlight only made things even more difficult.
‘I think it especially became complicated as an actor because people would just go, “Well, you’re an actor. Just put on the f**king clothes.” You know?’ he admitted. ‘But needless to say, it was so much more than that.’
The 36-year-old (pictured in 2007, before his transition) added that becoming an actor and being propelled into the spotlight only made things even more difficult
Elliot has spoken out in the past about how being forced to wear dresses and heels while promoting Juno ‘almost killed him.’
He now delved into it further with ABC, explaining, ‘It’s not like someone was forcing clothing on my physical body. But that is what it felt like to dress a certain way and be a certain way.
‘I used to find it and still find it tricky to talk about. It relates to this, “Your dreams are coming true,” because I felt like complaining at all or feeling bad at all just so profoundly ungrateful.’
He added that the ‘anguish’ he felt before his transition is now ‘lifted off of him,’ and that he hopes by speaking out, others who are going through something similar can feel less alone.
‘I think many people obviously relate to that experience of what it means to not see yourself, and to think you never will,’ he concluded.
‘And then there you are, you just start to emerge and it’s just so thrilling, it’s really thrilling.’
Elliot’s full interview with ABC, entitled The Freedom to Exist – A Soul of a Nation Presentation, will air tonight at 10pm EST.
Elliot has spoken out in the past about how being forced to wear dresses and heels while promoting Juno ‘almost killed him.’ He is pictured left in 2008 and right in 2022
Elliot (seen at the Juno premiere in 2007) now delved into it further with ABC, explaining, ‘I felt like complaining at all or feeling bad at all just so profoundly ungrateful’
The Umbrella Academy alum previously detailed the ‘intense’ depression and anxiety that he battled before coming out as transgender.
He admitted to Esquire in June 2022 that he constantly wanted to ‘flee’ from his body and would have ‘severe panic attacks’ when he was asked to put on girly clothes while attending public events.
‘When Juno was at the height of its popularity, during awards-season time, I was closeted, dressed in heels and the whole look – I wasn’t OK, and I didn’t know how to talk about that with anyone,’ he told the outlet.
‘I wish people would understand that that s**t literally did almost kill me. In my early to mid-20s, I didn’t know how to tell people how unwell I was. I would berate myself for it.
‘I was living the life and my dreams were coming true, and all that was happening. I struggled with food, intense depression, anxiety, and severe panic attacks.
‘Can I relate to the suicide problem among trans people? Yeah, I can relate deeply.
‘And not only to the very conscious, direct act of doing it but also certain times when I lost so much weight or when I was having such severe panic attacks and collapsed multiple times – all these things that very easily could, and statistically do, lead to death.
Elliot (pictured last year) added that the ‘anguish’ he felt before his transition is now ‘lifted off of him,’ and that he hopes by speaking out, others can feel less alone
‘I think many people obviously relate to that experience of what it means to not see yourself, and to think you never will,’ he concluded. ‘[When you] start to emerge it’s just so thrilling’
‘There were moments of wanting to not be here… I would look out the window of my apartment and think, “With everything going on right now and how incredible it all is, this is how I feel? And I’m 22?” It was like, I don’t know if I could do it.’
Elliot said that during the height of his fame, his anxiety got so severe that there were times he couldn’t even leave his house, explaining that he’d go out and ‘turn around’ minutes later.
He explained that it felt like he ‘couldn’t function,’ and that it even effected his work, since he ‘couldn’t read’ or ‘get through a script’ without panicking.
But he called coming out to the world and finally getting to be his true self ‘indescribable,’ adding that he ‘never imagined’ he’d feel this way.
‘I know I look different to others, but to me I’m just starting to look like myself. It’s indescribable,’ he gushed.
‘The greatest joy is just being able to feel present, literally, just to be present. To go out in a group of new people and be able to engage in a way where I didn’t feel this constant sensation to flee from my body, this never-ending sensation of anxiety and nervousness and wanting out.
‘I thought it was impossible how I’m able to feel now … I could not picture myself as a woman aging.
‘Obviously. It was just like, what is my future? There’s not a future. That’s kind of what it felt like. I would say, verbatim: I’ve never been a girl. I’ll never be a woman.’
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