Written by Amy Beecham
Being a highly sensitive person and an emotionally intelligent partner often goes hand in hand.
Between oystering, negging, fast-forward dating and situationships, navigating modern love is akin to an emotional minefield. But when you’re a highly sensitive person (HSP), the experience can feel even more heightened, meaning that you fall hard, and also feel hard too.
According to research by Dr Elaine Aron, who coined the term, 15-20% of the population are HSPs, meaning that they feel ‘too deeply’ but often hide their emotions from others.
And while this can impact their social lives, family connections and work environments, it naturally impacts their romantic relationships, too.
Of course, not everyone experiences the world in the same way, even if they consider themselves to have a highly sensitive personality type, and it’s never, ever a bad thing to feel more in-tune with your emotions than someone else.
But nevertheless, here are three key ways that being an HSP can affect your dating life.
Your feelings can be more intense
Relationships are always deeply emotional, whether they’re long term or not. But for HSPs, who often experience the world in a deeper, more intense way, it’s often easier to forge more meaningful relationships.
This of course has both benefits and drawbacks. Because of this intensity, HSPs are able to be more deeply moved, touched or affected than the average person, meaning that are hyper-sensitive to all of the beautiful, heartwarming parts of romantic love.
However, because of a heightened nervous system, when an HSP experiences emotional pain, their body is overwhelmed and flooded with stress hormones.
Your sensitivity is a relationship superpower
According to Psychology Today, HSPs are “often romantics, idealists and nurturers, all of which are great relationship qualities”.
“We care deeply about people and we want to help. We want to help others reach their potential and we want to be there to listen and offer our support. We’re not expecting anything in return. We do it because we can feel other people’s feelings so intensely,” writes Deborah Ward, author of Sense And Sensitivity: Why Highly Sensitive People Are Wired For Wonder.
Nicole, 42, says that while she’s often felt misunderstood as an HSP dating non-HSPs, she chooses to celebrate the volumes of empathy and compassion she exhibits.
“There can be a contrast between my HSP tendencies and those who aren’t – often very clear and loud – but discernment and reading between the lines has served me well,” she tells Stylist.
Sometimes, you might overthink situations – but that’s OK
According to Dr Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, at least 34% of love relationships involve an HSP.
Her research also suggests that relationships are generally less happy for highly sensitive people.
“HSPs have nervous systems that pick up more on subtleties in the world and reflect on them deeply. That means, for starters, that they will tend to demand more depth in their relationships in order to be satisfied, see more threatening consequences in their partners’ flaws or behaviours, reflect more and, if the signs indicate it, worry about how things are going,” Dr Aron explains.
“Because HSPs are picking up on so much, they are also more prone to overstimulation, quicker to feel stress – including the stimulation and stress that can arise in any intense, intimate interactions.”
OK, so when there is conflict in the relationship, you might be more affected by it than your partner. But by the same logic, you’ll also be more emotionally astute and able to pre-empt certain tensions and work to avoid them. Regardless, being in-tune with your emotions will always be beneficial in a partnership.
For more information on HSPs, and to take the HSP test, you can check out Dr Aron’s website.
Images: Getty
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