Woke cliches and fake history – this is the worst drama in years! CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews last night’s TV
The Confessions of Frannie Langton
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Tommy Jessop Goes To Hollywood
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With a bit of luck, you will be on holiday this week, in a tent with no television and a wifi signal that cuts out every five minutes. That’s what ITV bosses are hoping, anyway.
They’re praying no one will notice that, after more than eight months of holding back this miserable moment, they’re airing the most awful drama in years — an abysmal mishmash of woke cliches and gothic tosh, brimming with bitterness, resentment and fake history.
The Confessions Of Frannie Langton (ITV1) has been available on the on-demand service ITVX since it was launched on December 8 last year.
The Confessions Of Frannie Langton (ITV1) has been available on the on-demand service ITVX since it was launched on December 8 last year (Pictured are Karla Simone-Spence as Frannie and Sophie Cookson as Madame Benham)
Karla Simone-Spence stars as Frannie, a West Indian slave torn from her happy Caribbean home, where everyone lives in soft focus, and brought by her cruel master John (Steven Mackintosh) (pictured with Frannie) to England… a nation of Neanderthal thugs and racist old maids
One night, Frannie wakes to discover the National Front in top hats at the foot of the bed she shares with Madame (pictured together)
But while other series, such as the brilliant Nolly, with Helena Bonham Carter as Crossroads queen Noele Gordon, were screened on primetime almost immediately, this one is being dumped on us when it can be delayed no longer. And what a wretched mess it is.
Karla Simone-Spence stars as Frannie, a West Indian slave torn from her happy Caribbean home, where everyone lives in soft focus, and brought by her cruel master John (Steven Mackintosh) to England… a nation of Neanderthal thugs and racist old maids.
Frannie’s new master George (Stephen Campbell Moore) cannot see her dazzling intellectual gifts, because he’s blinded by his obsession with her hair. Being English, George has never seen curly locks before.
He has to cut one off before he can believe it. Fortunately, George’s wife Madame Marguerite (Sophie Cookson) isn’t English, but French, which isn’t quite as bad.
Realising that Frannie wants to be A Great Writer, Madame reads poetry with her.
One thing leads to another and soon they have plunged into an inter-racial lesbian affair.
But tragedy strikes!
One night, Frannie wakes to discover the National Front in top hats at the foot of the bed she shares with Madame. Worse still, someone has stabbed Madame to death, right next to her, and Frannie didn’t even notice.
Frannie’s new master George (Stephen Campbell Moore) (pictured with Madame) cannot see her dazzling intellectual gifts, because he’s blinded by his obsession with her hair
Realising that Frannie wants to be A Great Writer, Madame reads poetry with her. One thing leads to another and soon they have plunged into an inter-racial lesbian affair
All the women in Frannie’s prison wear pristine costumes, and our heroine’s white cotton stays spotless throughout
Soaked in blood, she’s carted off to jail, pausing only to step over the body of George (also stabbed, also dead).
An angry mob has gathered outside their house and Frannie poses, defiant and noble in the face of their racist hatred.
‘Defiant and noble’ is one of Karla Simone-Spence’s best looks, one she assumes even when asleep. She also does ‘defiant and angry’, which is basically the same but with a bit of a snarl.
All the women in Frannie’s prison wear pristine costumes, and our heroine’s white cotton stays spotless throughout.
But in case we haven’t grasped just how serious the situation is, one of the jailors explains it to her: ‘Double murder is a hanging offence, Miss Langton.’
The line sounds asinine, but it’s the sort of thing Tommy Jessop can deliver with aplomb.
The actor, who has Down’s syndrome, does a hilarious Roger Moore impression and his big ambition is to play 007. But, in the charming documentary Tommy Jessop Goes To Hollywood (BBC1), he concedes he’ll have to set his sights lower… by writing and starring in his own superhero movie, based on his teddy bear, Roger Mitchell.
The line sounds asinine, but it’s the sort of thing Tommy Jessop (pictured with Will Jessop) can deliver with aplomb
In the charming documentary Tommy Jessop Goes To Hollywood (BBC1), he concedes he’ll have to set his sights lower… by writing and starring in his own superhero movie (pictured), based on his teddy bear, Roger Mitchell
Meeting actors and film-makers in the course of a joyously heart-warming hour, Tommy (pictured with Kit Harrington) was making a serious point without waving banners or banging a drum
With his older brother Will filming, Tommy sets off to persuade Los Angeles to back him.
Meeting actors and film-makers in the course of a joyously heart-warming hour, he was making a serious point without waving banners or banging a drum: if Down’s syndrome is treated as a chromosomal mistake and eradicated by abortion, the world will be a far poorer place.
The real superhero of the story is their mother, Jane. ‘You’re not a mistake,’ she assures Tommy, ‘you’re a miracle.’
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