Wife considers leaving her husband because he refuses to lose weight

‘Our sex life is dying’: Fed up wife admits she’s considering leaving her ‘fat’ husband because he refuses to lose weight

  • A wife has spoken about her struggle to find her overweight husband attractive
  • She says his weight, which was a minor problem when the pair met, is increasing
  • The woman added her husband has a good job, no addictions and nice friends

A woman married to a man who ‘ticks so many boxes’ has revealed his weight problem is causing a rift in their relationship.

In a letter to New Zealand-based sex columnist Jennifer Souness, the woman, who has been married twice previously, said her husband is the nicest man she has been with and described him as ‘kind, funny, a great dad and stepdad to our kid’.

But his weight gain, something that was a minor issue when the pair first met, is now causing her to lose interest in the bedroom and she ‘simply cannot find a fat man attractive’.

‘Our sex life is dying and yet he won’t curb this behaviour – what do I do?’ She asked Ms Souness as part of her Stuff column. ‘I am not interested in having a sexless marriage.’

A woman married to a man who ‘ticks so many boxes’ has revealed his weight problem is causing a rift in their relationship (stock image) 

In the letter, the woman said that while she made every effort to cook healthy food for her husband, he continued to eat junk food and drink beer. 

In response to the woman’s dilemma, Ms Souness said for any relationship to last it needed to be built on a foundation of honest communication and support. 

She added that expecting all the boxes to be ticked was a set up for failure and unrealistic. 


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What is emotional eating? 

The Mayo Clinic explains emotional eating is eating as a way to suppress or soothe negative emotions, such as stress, anger, fear, boredom, sadness and loneliness. 

Major life events or, more commonly, the hassles of daily life can trigger negative emotions that lead to emotional eating and disrupt weight-loss efforts. 

These triggers might include: relationship conflicts, work or other stressors, fatigue, financial pressures or health problems.

 Source: Mayoclinic.org

The relationship expert said despite the fact that her husband’s weight gain seemed as if it was only a minor issue at the start of her relationship, any unhealthy behaviour was usually a larger signal of underlying unhappiness.

Her suggestion to the woman in the first instance was to take the time to ask her husband about his situation as a way of opening the lines of communication.

Ms Souness then went on to question the woman’s feelings towards her husband’s body and the pair’s lack of intimacy:

‘I would imagine your husband’s finding it increasingly difficult to muster desire for a wife he knows doesn’t find him attractive, so perhaps you could start by losing the negative attitude towards his body,’ she said.

As a way of strengthening the relationship, Ms Souness advised the woman to educate herself on the issue of emotional eating

As a way of strengthening the relationship, Ms Souness advised the woman to educate herself on the issue of emotional eating.

She said developing more insight would allow to understand the bigger picture and potentially broach the subject of making a change.

However, the expert noted this wasn’t a simple solution – more one that gave the couple a base from which to work from.

Ms Souness added while the willpower to change would need to come from her husband, any success hinged on the pair pulling together. 

‘Be patient… sustained weight loss is very slow and steady and he may never get down to the size that, in your mind, would be ideal,’ she said. 

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