Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘The Infest Wing’
Late night hosts had a lot to work with on Monday, touching on Trump’s Covid-19 diagnosis and his return to the White House after spending the weekend being treated at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center.
“Yep, good news, it’s safe for the president to return home — mostly because everyone at the White House already has the virus,” Jimmy Fallon joked in his monologue.
“The Trump administration is now the hot zone. Coming this fall from Aaron Sorkin: ‘The Infest Wing.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“And now at least 30 people in Trump’s circle have tested positive for Covid-19. You realize that means there’s been more infections at the White House over the last day than in New Zealand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Thailand and Australia combined. The White House Rose Garden is like the wet market of America right now.” — TREVOR NOAH
“I mean, can we just assume everyone in the White House has coronavirus at this point? It’s like ‘Game of Thrones,’ except we’d be happy if it ended with Bran in charge.” — SETH MEYERS
“Everyone from Trump’s campaign manager to Trump’s press secretary to Trump’s friends have been infected with coronavirus now. It’s almost like the writers of 2020 didn’t know how to wrap the story up so they were just like, ‘Uh, then they all get coronavirus, the end.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“When she heard he was coming home, Melania immediately checked herself into Walter Reed.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now look, I know some people are saying this was karma catching up to Trump, but guys, a massive outbreak at the White House is not karma, it’s consequences, all right? It’s not karma to get hit by lightning when you’re standing on the roof of a skyscraper holding a metal rod while there’s lightning. The universe didn’t do that [expletive] to you — you did that [expletive] to yourself.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Now, while the doctors were presenting a rosy picture, they also revealed that Trump has been put on two drugs: Remdesivir and Dexamethasone. I’m not a doctor, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a good sign when you get prescribed the high score in a Scrabble game.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“According to The Washington Post, Trump told advisers on Sunday he was getting bored of being in the hospital and was tiring of watching coverage of his hospitalization. Oh, you were bored? Well, that must be nice. Meanwhile, the rest of us stop, drop and roll every time a CNN alert pops up on our phones.” — SETH MEYERS
“Remember: He might get better from Covid but he will never get better as a person.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Blank Paper Edition)
“The president tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing this photo of him ‘at work.’ Now, some have pointed out that the piece of paper seems to be blank. But to defend the president, that doesn’t mean he’s not working, because a blank piece of paper is his Covid response plan.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“It seems like a photo-op, but they’ve really just been handing Trump blank pages to sign for the past four years.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yes, basically Trump staged these photos just to make it seem like he was busy at work. So what we have here is a rare case of pics and it didn’t happen.” — TREVOR NOAH
“So not only are we paying for your top of the line medical care, but you’re also missing work? I mean, did you even sign that blank piece of paper like we asked you?” — SETH MEYERS
“I mean, these people don’t even know how to fake work: ‘We should put out a photo showing he’s hard at work.’ ‘Good idea — what would that be?’ ‘I don’t know — it’s crazy, but maybe signing a blank piece of paper. Does the president do that?’” — SETH MEYERS
“Now, people were mocking this online, which made Trump furious at his staff. He was like, ‘You guys told me these were military contracts written in invisible ink!’” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Daily Show” correspondent Jaboukie Young-White made sure no one missed the news that the first lady, Melania Trump, “hates Christmas.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The country supergroup The Highwomen will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
In 2010, “The Social Network” seemed melodramatic. Ten years later, the film underlines how Facebook created 2020’s culture of virtual connection and isolation.
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